Are you too fat?!
Would you like to shed that extra weight and get the beach body you always wanted?
There is a new diet program that taking (central) America by storm. It’s called the Nicaragua Diet!
The Nicaragua diet is the newest health regimen sweeping the nation and now you too can lose those pesky pounds while enjoying the freedom to eat and do what you want (in Nicaragua)!
Rules are as follows:
1. Move to Nicaragua.
This is key. The environment and culture of Nicaragua is conducive to losing weight. Heavy hitters take notice, if you want to slim down fast you need to get off the couch and on an airplane and spend some time in Central America’s biggest, safest and dietest country, Nicaragua.
Once you are here in Nicaragua you will have to eat. Street food is best because the outdoor chefs fry out all of the bad stuff. Meats are lean and grilled or boiled and veggies are cheap and plentiful. Fruit and fruit juices abound and everyone knows you should juice your fruits and eat your veggies. Worried about getting enough whole grains? Don’t. With juices like linseed, chia, oats and barley you can ingest all the most popular grains without having to bite into a single slice of bread! And before you decide to forgo the carbohydrates, remember that Nicaragua’s national dish, gallo pinto, is red beans and rice which makes a complete protein!
3. Exercise less
For god’s sake stop running that road to nowhere on your treadmill and get outside! Why? Here, the heat makes you sweat. Sitting on the couch makes you sweat. Laying down in bed makes you sweat. Taking a shower makes you sweat. All without annoying exercises to do! And part of the great thing about Nicaragua is that it forces you to get outside. Walking. Moving. Sweating. Losing weight and getting fit.
You want to get serious about losing weight? Eat all the food you want and then let an intestinal worm eat all the food you ate. That’s right. Nicaraguan stomach parasites are the ideal tool to meet your weight loss goals. They are easy to get if you drink from the right water source. As they grow up you will see your thighs shrink and your midsection firm up. Sure, diarrhea and stomach cramps are possible side effects but a mild annoyance at worst. When you reach your ideal weight, just take a couple of pills and you can flush your roundworm goodbye! For those who are serious about losing weight, the intestinal worm might be the icing on the cake.
All jokes aside, I know somebody who has lost 50 pounds since moving to Nicaragua nine months ago. She may or may not have had a parasite (and all the side effects that go with it). As ridiculous as the Nicaragua diet may sound, it really does work. The person I know now weighs in under 200lbs for the first time in twenty years. How’s that for impressive?