Town Crier: Is Nicaragua going to explode?

Five volcanoes active; Nica accused of murdering family in CR, American deported TO Nicaragua, 8,000 inmates released from jail and waaay more!

The Town Crier is a weekly summary of Nicaraguan news stories that can be found online. My contribution is NOT journalism, as can be discerned from the conversational tone and dry humor of my English paraphrasing of the articles in Spanish. This list is by no means comprehensive. In fact I just picked the most relevant,  funny and ridiculous news stories of the week. For real news in English check out the For entertainment, stay right here. 


Town Crier


Here’s what’s been going on in this crazy town for the last week:


Top Stories

There are 5 volcanoes popping off right now

5 active volcanoes in Nicaragua

  1. Masaya, 2. Momotombo, 3. Telica, 4. Concepcion, 5. San Cristobal


Nica guy accused of murdering family of 5 in CR caught

And he was caught in Nicaragua! The story is in English so I will let you read the gory details:


American guy deported to Nicaragua in weird slipup by the US gov.

This guy was deported to Nicaragua for being in the United States illegally back in 2009. Problem was that he carried a valid US passport because, well, he is an American citizen. Read more about his situation and help him get back on his feet here:


Bottom Stories

8 colonists detained for moving into, selling out Rio Indio reserve

It isn’t just the Bosawas reserve that is under threat by people moving east. The virtually untouched Rio Indio/Maiz reserve has been bombarded lately by groups of opportunistic land grabbers and poor farmers who are slashing, burning and selling tracts of land illegally. Last week eight of them were detained. One environmental group estimates between 10 -20 families move into the reserve daily. So sorry Rama Indians, it may be your land but the colonists are stealing it out from under you.


Guy tries to buckle daughter’s seatbelt while driving, flips car

car flips while driver tries to put on seatbelt of passenger

The unlucky driver of the unlucky car smashed into another unlucky car and flipped over after trying to buckle the seatbelt of his daughter while driving. Nobody was hurt but everyone was a bit shaken. Managua drivers.

Couple who work with Nica Democratic Movement stabbed

A husband and wife who work with the Nicaraguan Democratic Movement were stabbed after a group of five men waited for them to leave their house in Managua. The husband remains in critical condition and the wife, though stabbed in the head, was released. The suspect it had political motives.


Nica gov’t makes space by freeing 8,000 inmates from JAIL

About 8,000 prisoners were given their pink slips and let go from their jobs printing license plates to make room for a new crop of jailbirds. The prison system was at 106% capacity, now they have dropped it down to at least 105.5%.


Indecisive couple on moto smash into decisive guy on moto

A horny guy trying to convince his girl to go with him to an auto-hotel made a bad turn and were smashed into by another guy on a motorcycle. Seems horny guy and the girl couldn’t decide on whether to enter the hotel. They passed it up, returned and passed it up again, turned around and didn’t see the other bike. Smash. The girl was seriously injured and went to the hospital. The horny guy was so mad he started beating the other biker with a chain and threatened to kill him if his girl died.


Guide to Nicaraguan residency. Yes you can do it!

residency in Nicaragua

You don’t need expensive lawyers or thousands of dollars in investments or even to marry a Nicaraguan to get residency. The process is actually straightforward and this guide tells you how to do it.


One cop dead, three wounded in ambush in Jinotega

A group of police officers were ambushed while on patrol in Jinotega by a group of badguys who left one dead and three injured.


Elderly woman out to buy minutes runs out of time after moto hits her

An 84-year-old woman was struck by a motorcycle while walking in the road to get minutes for her phone in Carazo. The impact was so hard that her leg flew off and was found in a neighbor’s yard. The lady was struck after the moto tried to pass a truck.


Bomb mistaken for trash explodes after lady throws it in her garbage fire

Actually there were FOUR bombs, all left over from the war, that were in that lady’s garbage. Luckily only one exploded and nobody was hurt. But how did they get there? Turns out a group of kids found them and threw them in the lady’s yard after unsuccessfully trying to sell them for scrap metal. The explosion left a hole in the roof of the lady’s house.


Tire flies off car, smashes into motorcycle

A tire that wasn’t put on properly flew off a car in Managua and hit a motorcycle, injuring the riders. Kabam.


Pissed off lady throws pot of boiling water on enemiga

Burned lady got some pretty serious burns from pissed off lady after pissed off lady threw a big pot of boiling water on her nether region during an altercation. In addition to the boiling water, she also told her she was telling people in the neighborhood that she’s a drunk and threatened to kill her. Shortly after she also threw a cup of hot soup at her brother. Weapon of choice.


Watch this incredible car accident in Matagalpa (nobody died)

Four people who had been drinking early Sunday morning flippe

d their truck in Matagalpa and it was caught by a security camera. You can clearly see one person flying out of the window. Ouch!


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