Town Crier News 11 – 17 October, 2015

The Town Crier is a weekly summary of Nicaraguan news stories that can be found online. My contribution is NOT journalism, as can be discerned from the conversational tone and dry humor of my English paraphrasing of the articles in Spanish. This list is by no means comprehensive. In fact I just picked the most relevant,  funny and ridiculous news stories of the week. For real news in English check out the For entertainment, stay right here. 


Town Crier


Here’s what’s been going on in this crazy town for the last week:


Pitbulls on the loose in Managua

A couple of pitbulls were identified as part of a neighborhood dog gang roaming the streets of the 1st of May barrio in Managua. Local residents were successful in their efforts to get them off the streets. They were later stabbed by their former gang leaders for leaving the pack.


Man found dead in his hammock in Masaya

A 30-year-old man was found dead in his hammock in Masaya after a long night of drinking with friends. His friends thought it was foul play when they found the man, whose body was cold to the touch, just chillin’ in his hammock. The doctor said it was the result of a cardiac arrest.


Man stabbed by “dog body”

A guy was killed when he was stabbed by another man who goes by cuerpo de perro or “Dog Body”. According to Dog Body, the dead guy robbed him. The dead guy’s mom says that he had just returned from the store and hadn’t robbed anybody when Dog Body attacked him.


Japanese to study how to modernize Managua

The city of Managua and the Japs have signed an agreement to let them start preplanning on how to modernize the capital city. Perhaps they could start with something like, oh, I dunno, maybe a public library?


New Cordoba bills to start circulating

New bills nicaragua

Ever wonder why the C$500 bill is paper and the C$200 is plastic? Leave your worries behind because all the notes will now be uniform (except for the C$500 which will still be paper while all the others will be plastic). The central bank will start circulating the new bills on the 26th of October. Out with the old and easily counterfeitable, in with the new and easily counterfeitable!


Tropical disease report: you are gonna get sick

According to the latest MINSA (Ministry of Health) statistics, if you stay in Nicaragua long enough you will get some dreaded tropical disease. Last week there were 4 deaths by pneumonia with 92,881 total reported cases. Cases of dengue have totaled out at 1494 cases this year and chikungunya with 4,024 cases. So let the MINSA in when they want to fumigate your house and keep the mosquitoes out!


Flying tire kills lady on side of the road

A grandmother and her grandson were crossing a highway in Chinandega when a tire came flying off of a passing 18-wheeler and struck the granny in the head. She was DOA when admitted to the hospital. The Guatemalan truck driver was arrested and charged with manslaughter.


Fake police detain real people, rob their house

Two robbers dressed as cops kidnapped two guys in Managua, had him drive to their house and robbed it. They got away with jewelry and two computers. The fake cops are now hiding from the real cops.


Counterfeit C$500 bills showing up in Jinotega

A coupla kids have been going around town spending money like it grows on trees, or in their case, gets printed from their computer. They are on the lam after nearly getting caught buying a frito with a false note. When the lady confronted them about the fake C$500, they took off running.


Nicaragua brought in a record $414 mil in coffee exports this year

2015 was a record breaking year with coffee exports topping $414,000,000. Nicaragua exported 2.3 million quintales (hundred-pound sacks) for a whopping price of $180/sack (30 Sept. price). Well done, Nicaragua!


Coyotes headed for jail

Five Nicas accused of being part of an international human trafficking ring are off to jail for getting busted shuttling a group of 9 Nepalitanos, 4 Pakistanleys and 6 Bangladeshians from the CR border closer to their final destination: the land of opportunity.


Horse thief gets ride to jail

Cops caught up with a horse thief on carratera north outside of Tipitapa. He was on the horse that had just been stolen and had ditched his backpack that contained knives, rope and pliers when he saw the patrol car.


Tree falls on house in Esteli

Heavy rains up north caused a bigg-ass tree to drop on a house in Esteli. Nobody was home and the gobierno gave the home owner 10 sheets of roofing zinc to help out.


Rising river traps truck trying to cross

Heavy rains in Boaco washed away a truck trying to cross a swollen river in Boaco. The passengers escaped harm but the truck was swept about a kilometer downstream before it was recovered.


Nica institute of civil aeronautics receives highest rating by US ambassador

Basically it means the INAC meets the highest qualification of the international standards of safety as decided by the International Civil Aviation Organization (ICAO). The new US ambassador, Laura Dogu, gave the honors. High five, Laura!


Entrance fees to the wharf to Ometepe have locals complaining

Now they charge buses C$50 to enter and taxis C$10 to enter the wharf on the mainland side in San Jorge. So guess what the buses and taxis do? They don’t enter. Now locals are complaining of having to carry their cargo the 300 yards from the buses to the boats and are raising hell with the local authorities.


Busted for hauling illegally cut wood

The article didn’t go into much detail, but two guys were caught moving illegal wood in Nandaime. Way to go, Nica police!


Nica boxer Chocolatito

now 44-0, best in the world

Saturday night the best pound-4-pound boxer in the world, Nicaraguan Roman “Chocolatito” Gonzales, won his latest fight with a TKO over his Hawaiian/Filipino opponent in Madison Square Garden. While it wasn’t the most exciting fight I have seen, it sure beat the Mayweather-Pacquiao ballet.


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