Town Crier Nica News 1 – 7 November, 2015

The Town Crier is a weekly summary of Nicaraguan news stories that can be found online. My contribution is NOT journalism, as can be discerned from the conversational tone and dry humor of my English paraphrasing of the articles in Spanish. This list is by no means comprehensive. In fact I just picked the most relevant,  funny and ridiculous news stories of the week. For real news in English check out the For entertainment, stay right here. 


Town Crier


Here’s what’s been going on in this crazy town for the last week:


Costa Rica says Nicas aren’t a menace to society

Costa Rica says that only 9% of crime is in their country is committed by Nicaraguans, and most of that is minor infractions. They continue to say that Ticos are responsible for 88% of all crime in their country, though they like to blame Nicas for 100%.


Dead man found in latrine

A known boozaholic was found dead in a latrine outside of Esteli after someone went to investigate the unusually bad smell coming from inside. Apparently he had suffered trauma to the back of the head, possibly from either falling in or from getting whacked.


Managua welcomes low-cost airline service to El Salvador

If the gangs of Managua aren’t enough for your liking, you can fly Veca airlines to San Salvador for only $220. Nobody knows when service will start, so feel free to fly Taca in the meantime.


Guy busted after tattoos gave him away

A guy wanted by the police for murder was recognized by his tattoos of his name on his arm and back. He goes by “Chago Marihuana” which means “Chago Marijuana” in English. He had been using a fake/stolen ID to come and go from Costa Rica for the last two years and, could quite possibly be responsible for 9% of all crimes in that country.


Remember hearing about all those kids crossing into the US alone? None were Nica

Thats coming from a report from the US border office that says that 68,541 unaccompanied minors tried to cross the border from 1 Oct, 2014 to 30 Sept, 2015. Maybe living here ain’t so bad after all.


Government approves canal study, work to begin soon

The two-year EIAS study by ERM, financed by HKND, was approved by the FSLN last week. That means that the major work will begin soon and that’s when the 5-year completion time will start counting down.


The wait is over. New Pricesmart is OPEN!

pricemart and laura dogu

That’s the good news all the people living in Granada and San Juan have been waiting to hear. Now no more having to battle all that Managua traffic to buy 10lbs of pancake mix and peanut butter. Yes, that’s Laura in her lovely lime green ambassadorsuit. To her right are John Price and his wife, Kristi Smart, owners of the franchise.


Woman found raped, murdered in Leon

A guy opened his door to find a half-naked woman dead on his front porch. She had apparently been raped and murdered the night before. The guy called the cops when he made the grisly discovery and swears he didn’t hear a thing the night before.


Truck hits car, car hits house, everyone blames each other

This is what happens when two rude drivers meet on a road with no signs. Nobody was hurt and the house was empty.


Annual sailboat race in Bluefields: You missed it!

The annual traditional sailboat race commemorating the Autonomy Day festival was held last week. In case you didn’t see it, check out a video that I made a few years ago documenting the event:

(If the video doesn’t come up:


Police nab woman  with $32k strapped under her dress

The found her during a check on a bus from Leon to Managua. Druuuug Mooooney!


Managua hosts Cleanest Fritanga Contest

As was to be expected, all 40 contestants tied for last place. But since somebody has to win, it was Fritanga Jenny with a prize of C$20k. All joking aside, it was a great opportunity for street food to convince people who aren’t drunk to have a bite.


Guy fakes his kidnapping to get ransom from dad

His wife called the cops after he left the house for the pool hall at 5pm and she started getting text messages saying he had been kidnap

ped a few hours later. Wife called dad when the kidnappers demanded C$150 thousand, dad called the cops and cops caught the guy who kidnapped himself. Supposedly he wanted to pay off debts of his chicken business.


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