Town Crier Nica News 22 – 28 Nov, 2015

The Town Crier is a weekly summary of Nicaraguan news stories that can be found online. My contribution is NOT journalism, as can be discerned from the conversational tone and dry humor of my English paraphrasing of the articles in Spanish. This list is by no means comprehensive. In fact I just picked the most relevant,  funny and ridiculous news stories of the week. For real news in English check out the For entertainment, stay right here. 


Town Crier


Here’s what’s been going on in this crazy town for the last week:


Top Stories

Man loses wallet, has it returned

Breaking news from Condega, a young man returned from shopping when he realized he had lost his wallet. Later that day a uniformed police officer knocked at his door, wallet in hand, and returned it to the young man. Why is this news? You try losing your wallet in a Nica market and see if it gets returned to you!

Two-faced pig born in Juigalpa

Was it an evolutionary attempt to see who’s wielding the butcher’s knife? Or was it a result of the owners giving the mama pig too many table scraps of bacon and ham? At any rate, a piglet with two faces was born on a farm in Juigalpa. It lived less than a day before buying the farm, and was later buried in the kitchen on a plate under scrambled eggs and biscuits.


Nica Hercules competition underway

Channel 8 is hosting the Nica Hercules competition which has the fastest and strongest from each market in Managua competing to win who knows what. They contestants will battle it out with market activity games such as vegetable cart races, potato basket lifts, rice sack throwing and wallet pickpocketing.



Man found after missing for 13 days

A man whose truck was found in a dangerous turn of the Panamerican highway (the infamous Kukamonga) was found 13 days later, dehydrated but alive. The man was taken to the hospital and the police are investigating because, apparently, he was tied up when found.

Bridge collapses under weight of coffee truck

bridge collapses under busA tiny bridge spanning a tiny river collapsed when a big truck carrying 11,000 lbs of coffee attempted to cross in Jinotega. An ayudante who was riding in the back was squished under the weight of the load for two hours before firemen arrived and got him free.


Cruel trick by friends sends man to hospital

A group of laborers outside of Tipitapa played a trick on a friend who was napping during work hours by throwing gasoline on him and setting him on fire. He woke up in flames and jumped into a mud puddle to extinguish the fire. The unlucky friend suffered burns on his back and legs and later called the police.


Deaf-mute athlete hit by motorcycle

An athlete who had been training for a national competition was smacked by a motorcycle in Chinandega. The deaf-mute athlete obviously didn’t see the motorcycle when he tried to cross the busy street. The impact sent him flying 30 feet, knocking him out and probably his dreams to compete in the competition as well.


Girl injured after fall on the bus

A local bus in Managua who was in too much of a rush took off from a bus stop like Dale Earnhardt Jr. sending a young woman with a baby flying toward the back of the bus. She suffered a head injury and was taken to the hospital. Luckily the 8-month-old baby was A-ok.


Homemade shotgun confiscated

homemade gunA drunk guy was trying to start a fight in the street in Tipitapa when the cops were called. Police arrested the man and found the homemade heater on his person. Looks like more of a danger to the triggerman than it would have been for the intended victim.


School kids light tree on fire

A tree in front of the Ruben Dario high school was set on fire by some of the less intelligent pupils of the public learning institution. The firemen were called to put it out.


Managua’s emergency line suffers from 66% prank calls

Of over 3,000 phone calls in November to Managua’s emergency line (102), only about 700 proved to be real emergencies, the rest being pranks. They say they get up to an average of 150 per day. Somebody please tell Laura Dogu to stop. That isn’t funny.


40% off Guide to Nica Residency until December 1

Residency guide cover plus edition

The popular NCX Guide to Residency in Nicaragua is running a 40% off sale today through the 1st of December! This Thanksgiving week sale is your only opportunity to pick up the guidebook, document translations, example letters, interviews and all the other goodies for the best price of the year.



Nicaragua’s plans for free wifi

Did you know that Nicaragua has 70 city parks with free wifi already? More than half are in Managua. This week the government unveiled their plan to extend the wifi capacity and public lighting around the country.


4.7 earthquake in Managua

Did you feel it? I didn’t, but they insist there was one. No damage nor injuries were reported.


Telica volcano pops off

The active cone burped a massive column of gas and ash that could be seen for miles around. Local authorities didn’t evacuate and are closely monitoring the beast.



How much does it suck to live next to the market in Granada?

First there is the music. Locals complain of department stores blasting music until well into the night. The habitants say they can’t watch tv or even talk without yelling because of the volume. Then there is the bad smell. Lately some of the meat vendors have been washing bloody chicken and beef water out into the street, creating a putrid rank that has led to habitants complaining to the authorities.


Primary canal work to start at end of 2016

That means a delay. The HKND group says it needs more time to work on the design of the canal. Meanwhile the Brito port on the Pacific side should start at the end of this year.



Thousands of Cuban immigrants refused passage through Nicaragua

It seems everybody is complaining about the treatment of the thousands of Cubans stuck on the Costa Rican side of the Nica border but the Nica government refuses to let them pass on their trip north to the USA. The cubas want to try to get the to states before the wet foot/dry foot policy ends but Cuba considers them traitors for leaving. And of course, even though the states has the wf/df policy, they don’t really want more immigrants than what they already receive. And now Nicaragua’s annoying neighbor Costa Rica is stuck with them. Yes, it’s all politics.



Bluefields sees spike in HIV

The Ministry of Health declared that this year has seen 19 new cases of HIV infection in Bluefields. The vulnerable population, according to the MINSA, are gays and sex worker

s. Just going by the stats, gay sex workers should probably find somewhere else to practice their profession.



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