Town Crier Nica news 25 – 31 Oct

The Town Crier is a weekly summary of Nicaraguan news stories that can be found online. My contribution is NOT journalism, as can be discerned from the conversational tone and dry humor of my English paraphrasing of the articles in Spanish. This list is by no means comprehensive. In fact I just picked the most relevant,  funny and ridiculous news stories of the week. For real news in English check out the For entertainment, stay right here. 


Town Crier


Here’s what’s been going on in this crazy town for the last week:


Bones found in Masaya volcano national park

Found on the Los Coyotes trail, the article didn’t have any info on what bones or from what animaloid or sapien they are from.


200km of roads planned for construction in 2016

That’s about 122 miles of asphalt that will connect the exotic Caribbean coast with less exotic places in the interior. Most of it is planned for the Nueva Guinea-Bluefields highway and Rio Blanco-Siuna road. All in all it will total about $200 million


School lunches stolen

The government gives free lunches to kids in public school and unfortunately somebody busted through the adobe wall of a storage room in a rural public school in Madriz and took off with 100lbs of rice, 100lbs of beans, 100lbs of sugar, a tub of oil, 50lbs of cereal and 50lbs of corn.


Three women swept away by waves in Corinto

They were aged 42, 16 and 13 and were walking by the edge of the water when waves rose up and took them out to sea. The body of the youngest was found a day later.


World’s smallest insect found in Nicaragua

worlds smallest insect

Even if you don’t blink you would still miss it…at only .325mm the feathered beetle holds the record as the smallest insect in the world and is found right here in Nicaragua. It is also a great source of protein and can be found at the local markets (usually eating the rice you just bought).


Thieves using cloned BankOne credit cards busted

What’s in your wallet? Could be exactly what is in someone elses if they cloned your credit card! Two guys were busted buying kitchen appliances with a blank credit card with a BankOne card’s info. Was it yours? Check your balance.


Girl dies after a metal gate falls on her

A 7-year-old girl died after the gate marking the entrance to a tabernacle fell on top of her. The dad, who was the guard of the church, says he didn’t understand why it fell since it wasn’t loose. But, I guess it was.


Ortega has child with minor, throws family in jail to shut them up

That is the claim of the brother of the 25-year-old girl who was 15 at the time of the incident. According to the family, Ortega seduced the girl in 2005, g ot her pregnant and set her up with a nice monthly income of $2k – $4k to keep the secret. That’s from a letter written by the brother who is currently doing time in La Modelo prison.


Chefs cook up the biggest enchaladita in the country

And there are some big enchaladitas out there,  but none as large as the one cooked up in Boaco. It’s basically like a pizza roll with a nica cheese. Not surprising that it was the biggest in the country since it is regional to Boaco.


Actress Patricia Arquette visiting Nicaragua

She’s in town plugging ecotoilets with a group called GiveLove. They are putting the finishing touches on bucket toilets in communities in Tipitapa and Bluefields. Poop in a bucket = save the world.


Anti-canal activists torch backhoe working on the Bluefields – Nueva Guinea highway

burning backhoe

The machine cost $250k and was being used in the San Pancho part of the highway. Now it’s gone up to that big canal graveyard in the sky. Anti-canal, anti-everything activists are supposedly to blame.


Momotombo acting up with earthquakes

A temblor measured at 3.2 on the richter scale was felt shortly after a trembler of 2.7. The last big quake at the volcano was a 6.2 in April of 2014.


Divers clean up the bay in San Juan del Sur

This weekend a group of local divers concerned about the amount of garbage accumulating in the bay in San Juan will be working to clean it up. Most of it is plastic, apparently, though some of it is sunglasses that couldn’t be sold to tourists.


Nica arrested in Costa Rica for stealing chickens.

Not much more to say about that.


Injuries reported in the anti-canal protests in Managua

Last week there was a big march against the canal with thousands of people in attendance. However the Sandinista Youth movement held an anti-anti-canal march on the same day. Kind of like a “peaceful” battle of the protests. And for the most part it was peaceful, mostly because Managua was basically shut down and pretty much all of the local police and military and SWAT teams were out in force. Of course that didn’t keep everybody safe. A truck full of Sandinista supporters drove around throwing rocks at anti-canal protesters which send a few folks to the hospital.


Bus robbery leaves 2 people shot but okay

The 111 route was robbed when two guys got on near the Oriental Market and started holding up folks one by one. Two people who resisted were shot. According to witnesses, the robbers jumped off the bus and ran down a street with no outlet. They then returned and ran the other way. Police are on the case.


Mysterious hole appears in bean field

Asombrados y sin explicarse se encuentra una familia campesina, que no se explican cómo o qué abrió este orificio de casi tres metros de profundidad en medio de un cultivo de frijoles en El Rosario, Rivas. LA PRENSA / R. VILLARREAL

The farmer and his family were all tucked in for a rainy night when they heard what sounded like a lightening strike and felt the ground tremble. The next morning they found a hole nearly ten feet deep in their field of beans.


Cops FINALLY get radar guns

Though they only get ONE PER DEPARTMENT! That and each district of Managua gets one. Well, it’s a start!


Panty collector claims female neighbor is stealing his stash

He went to the police to complain about his panty-stealing neighbor. She, on the other hand, complained to the police that he spies on her from his bedroom window. The cops laughed it off and told them both to get out because they have more important things to worry about, like gardeners hanging from trees.


Gardener gets stuck hanging 25′ from a tree

He was cutting a palm tree in Managua and somehow found himself dangling from it and couldn’t get himself down. Firefighters were called and rescued him thanks to fast-acting neighbors.


American lady found dead in her home in Sebaco

lynn alice siegel

Her name was Lynn Alice Siegel and she was found laying down in her bed, dead. Apparently she left behind four dogs and her work as a tattoo artist. The embassy was notified and they passed the noticias and their condolences to her family.


US investments result in 300K jobs in Nicaragua and Laura Dogu looks like David Bowie

laura dogu looks like david bowiedavid bowie profile







During a conference of the AmCham, US Ambassador to Nicaragua Laura Dogu reminded the world that US investments in Nicaragua have created 300,000

local jobs. She then did her best David Bowie impression. Was it because of Halloween, perhaps?



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