Town Crier Nica news Christmas week!

The Town Crier is a weekly summary of Nicaraguan news stories that can be found online. My contribution is NOT journalism, as can be discerned from the conversational tone and dry humor of my English paraphrasing of the articles in Spanish. This list is by no means comprehensive. In fact I just picked the most relevant,  funny and ridiculous news stories of the week. For real news in English check out the nicaraguadispatch.com. For entertainment, stay right here. 

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Town Crier

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Here’s what’s been going on in this crazy town for the last week:

 

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Foreigner’s in trouble section

German tourist killed by robbers

It was a trauriger tag for a pair of German tourists exploring the no-go zone of Laguna Xiloa. They met up with some rather unsavory characters who proceeded to lighten their load of what they had in their pockets after giving them a serious beating. One of the tourists unfortunately succumbed to his wounds.
http://www.tn8.tv/cronica-tn8/243509-golpean-extranjeros-hasta-mandar-uno-tumba/

 

American guy disappears in Leon

33-year-old Salomon Segura hasn’t been seen since the 15th of December after leaving his hostal. The staff from the hostal alerted authorities after realizing he hadn’t been back but had left all his belongings -including a $3k camera- in his room. Police don’t seem to have any clues so far.
http://www.elnuevodiario.com.ni/sucesos/380505-extranjero-desaparecido-leon/

 

Locals getting hurt section

Toes flattened by bus

A drunk guy passed out a little too close to the curb and an interlocal bus (you know the ones…the passenger vans who ride your tail flashing their lights and honking so you will speed up, then they pass you and slam on the brakes to pick someone up, then speed up again and run red lights…yes you know the ones. You hate them.) ran over the guy’s feet and took off. Poor guy was taken to a Managua hospital with a serious case of toelio.
http://www.tn8.tv/cronica-tn8/243598-llantas-ruta-pasa-sobre-pies/

 

Family falls ill after eating bad chicken

Eight members of a family in Leon fell ill after eating leftover chicken in Leon. The six adults and two children were hospitalized following complaints of fever, chills, vomiting and severe clucking.
http://www.tn8.tv/cronica-tn8/244891-leon-familia-intoxica-ingesta-alimenticia/

 

Dozens sickened by bad cacao fresco

More than two dozen people fell ill after drinking cacao fresco at a church service in Nandaime. Those affected arrived to the Japanese hospital in Granada complaining of vomiting and diarrhea.   …   Church service. Sure that wasn’t wine?
http://www.tn8.tv/cronica-tn8/243791-fresco-cacao-intoxica-25-nandaime/

 

80-year-old lady slips, falls, dies in Jinotega

She was just walking along when she fell on the pavement. Locals say she was drunk and that she drank a lot.
http://www.elnuevodiario.com.ni/sucesos/380368-anciano-muere-resbalarse-golpear-su-cabeza-adoquin/

 

Video emerges of guards beating naked prisoners in La Modelo

A video made in secret recently emerged of a group of prison guards in Nicaragua’s infamous La Modelo forcing prisoners to disrobe then beating them one by one. The video doesn’t give any clues as to why the guards are enforcing this prison “justice” but in La Modelo pretty much anything goes.
http://www.hoy.com.ni/2015/12/21/desnudan-y-golpean-a-reos-en-penitenciario-la-modelo/

 

Indigenous communities under threat




letter to indigenous

Letters written to indigenous Miskito say things like, “We will kill with bravery, we are Spanish and you are flies”, have the indigenous populations of Santa Clara and Esperanza Rio Wawa, two communities that have seen violence from the spanish-speaking colonists in the past. The indigenous populations complain that the government is not doing nearly enough to help or protect them and claim that it is part of an unwritten policy to destroy the indigenous populations in the northern autonomous region.
http://www.laprensa.com.ni/2015/12/21/nacionales/1957861-indigenas-viven-reino-del-terror

 

National interest section

Mayorga back in the ring (to lose one last time)

Here’s the link to the video of Mayorga slapping Shane Mosely’s girlfriends butt: (https://youtu.be/oVsJboeMJsc)

The Nica boxer and former world champ that everyone loves to hate will be back in the ring for his final loss (or until he needs more money) against the Venezuelan Jorge Navarro. If you are looking for a good laugh, stay tuned when they announce the date.
http://www.tn8.tv/8-deportivo/244144-regresa-mayorga-a-encordados/ 

 

4.3 earthquake rattles San Juan del Sur

Did you feel it? I don’t think anyone else did either.
http://www.tn8.tv/ultima-hora/244051-sismo-sacude-costas-san-juan-sur/

 

Celebration of the nacatamal

It’s every Nica’s favorite indigenous food wrapped in banana leaves, the nacatamal. You can find them for sale within at least two blocks of wherever you are in any city in the country, and it even has its own celebration in Sutiava, Leon.
http://www.elnuevodiario.com.ni/nacionales/380501-celebran-feria-honor-nacatamal/

 

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Big numbers section

New 10-cent coin announced

It looks pretty much like the old 10-cent coin and will be made of aluminum. The only time you will ever see one is when you get change back from shopping at La Union.
http://www.elnuevodiario.com.ni/economia/380559-nueva-emision-monedas-10-centavos/

 

Gov’t gives out 100,000 Christmas piñatas and more

The first lady Rosario Murillo declared that this year the government gave out over 100k pinatas to kids around the country. No mention on how many toothbrushes were received in anticipation of the candy eaten, but imagine if every pinata contained only 3lbs of candy…that would be over 150 tones of hard sugar consumed and about 150lbs of tooth enamel decayed by new year’s eve…

Also, if you have passed by the old cathedral in Managua you would have seen the park they are building in front. That will be the Plaza 22 of August and should be completed before the year is out.

Last but not least, the Santa Ortega gave away 120 motorcycles and 50 trucks to the national police force.
http://www.tn8.tv/ultima-hora/243311-100-mil-pinatas-esta-navidad-asegura-rosario-murillo/

 

$1,000,000 in damages after cigars go up in smoke

Some of Nicaragua’s finest cigars made by AJ Fernandez got smoked by the bodega that caught on fire about 170 km north of Managua. In addition to the award-winning cigars that made for a fine bonfire, six tractors were also torched.
http://www.elnuevodiario.com.ni/sucesos/380621-se-incendia-bodega-fabrica-puros-finos/

 

Taiwan gives $5.3 million for road works in Managua

The government of Taiwan has been very generous to infrastructure projects in Managua, already having given $30 million for the baseball stadium. This follow-up cash is for road projects in places you have never heard of in the capital city, and represents a strengthening of the fellowship between the two governments.
http://www.laprensa.com.ni/2015/12/24/nacionales/1959279-taiwan-dona-dinero-obras-la-alcaldia-managua

 

Nicaragua’s got $2.5 BILLION and 23 cents saved in the bank

That’s right. Little Nicaragua has $2,501,900,000.23 stashed away in its federal reserve bank: a historic numb




er that is only set to increase in 2016. This is, obviously, a sign of a stable economy. Investing in Nicaragua is a good bet these days.
http://www.elnuevodiario.com.ni/economia/380557-nicaragua-us-2-500-millones-reservas/

 

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