Town Crier, Nica news you can lose!

The Town Crier is a weekly summary of Nicaraguan news stories that can be found online. My contribution is NOT journalism, as can be discerned from the conversational tone and dry humor of my English paraphrasing of the articles in Spanish. This list is by no means comprehensive. In fact I just picked the most relevant,  funny and ridiculous news stories of the week. For real news in English check out the For entertainment, stay right here. 


Town Crier


Here’s what’s been going on in this crazy town for the last week:


The Good

Nica cigars rank best in the world

That’s right, the best. The cigar smokers’ magazine Cigar Aficionado ranks Nicaraguan made cigars as seven of the top 25 best smokes in the world, with the Esteli-made “My Father Le Bijou 1922 Torpedo Box Pressed” as the number one ranked cigar in the world.


US Gov pledges $750mil to Guate, Hondu and El Salva

The idea is to help them help improve conditions to slow the flow of immigrants north. Notice that none of the money is earmarked for Nicaragua. That’s because of the following headline.


Only 771 Nicas were deported from the USA in 2015

That’s right, of the tens of thousands of latin american immigrants looking for greener pastures in the lush economy of the United States, less than a thousand were Nicaraguan. Men outnumbered women ten to one. So what does that mean? Either the situation in Nicaragua ain’t so bad or the Nicas are better about not getting caught by the federales.


Chocolatito recognized as one of the Latin America’s best

The Nicaraguan flyweight champion boxer, Roman “Chocolatito” Gonzales has been recognized by the BBC Mundo Sports network as one of Latin America’s best athletes. The champ has a record of 44 wins and 0 losses and is now earning a million bucks a fight.


Nicaragua upgraded to B+ rating by Fitch

With an economic growth of between 4% – 5% annually, Nicaragua is quickly becoming the economic rising star of the Central American states. So much so that Fitch Ratings has given it a B+ rating. Basically that means more waiting in line at the supermarket checkout, but more supermarkets to choose from.


Nicaragua loses to Costa Rica in dispute settled by the Hague


A landrights claim on a small, 3-km sandbar island at the southern tip of the Rio San Juan was enough to send Nicaragua and Costa Rica clamoring for a resolution at the International Court of the Hague. Nicaragua had claimed the island was theirs based on a Google Maps error and knew it, but started building a canal through it thinking that squatters’ rights would be enough. Costa Rica took it to court. Now Nicaragua has to pay a fine that will be determined by Costa Rica.


Here’s a fun Christmas present for that hard-to-
shop-for person living/loving Nicaragua

It’s 100+ pages of my personal account of living on the Caribbean coast of Nicaragua and all the good, bad and ugly stuff that happened in the five years I was there. Available through Amazon. Check it out if you are still looking for something to buy your expat for Christmas!
Sons of Pirates: Conquered by the Caribbean Coast of Nicaragua


The Bad

Heavy winds predicted along the central pacific area

The INETER is saying we can expect high winds from Managua to Carazo for the next few days. Generally speaking, December – February sees higher winds than usual. This just confirms it.


Masaya volcano grumbling, magma rising

The local park guards have reported several bang, crash, bam sounds coming from the active crater of the Masaya volcano. With it they have noticed the magma levels have risen to just about the top of the inner crater, as well as small flames. That’s hot.


Telica volcano throws ash in small explosion

Oh that pesky Telica, seems like every week we are reporting on her rants and raves. Seems she is spouting off a bit of rock and ash accompanied by small earthquakes in her almost regularly scheduled programming. 


Worker gets free ride to hospital after roof collapses

A worker got a free ride in an ambulance after falling head first off a roof in Managua. The roof collapsed, sending him tumbling into a drain of some sort. The fall knocked him unconscious and he later recovered at the hospital.


Man parties his car off the road

A 25-year-old man drove his car off the road and down a hill after returning from a raging kegger when he tried to answer the phone and ended up down the bottom of a steep embankment. Authorities found beer cans and more beer cans when they searched the vehicle. While the man was unharmed his ego was badly bruised.


Missing man found dead in car at hospital parking lot

A man reported missing for two days was finally found – dead in his car in the parking lot of the hospital in Masaya. The authorities called CSI Masaya to find out the cause of death.


Another missing man found bobbing in Lake Managua

A 60-year-old professor was found by kids floating in Lake Managua. He was reported missing for three days before his body was discovered in barrio Acahualinca. According to his sister, he left to give classes and never returned.


The Ugly

Heavy verdict for migrant smuggler “the granny”

A 62-year old woman known as “la Abuela” (the grandmother) and her 37-year-old daughter were slapped with eight years in jail and C$45,000 in fines for accepting to move two migrants from the Dominican Republic and one from Venzuela up to Guatemala. They would have received $900 for each migrant moved to Guatemala.


Teen files complaint for stabbing, gets stabbed again

Apparently nobody in the family of stabbers liked the 18-year-old. The mother listened to him complain to her that her son stabbed him in the hand and back, then her son stabbed him again after he got off the bus. An ambulance was called but never arrived and the youth died shortly after arriving to the hospital in the back of a police car. 


Miskito communities suffer from attacks by colonists

In an ongoing battle over land, indigenous Miskito indians in the communities of Wisconsin and Esperanza Rio Wawa suffered attacks which left two indigenous dead, three injured and two kidnapped by colonists fighting to take over their land. They local indigenous say that despite repeated complaints to the police and the government, nothing has been done to protect them. “The community asks the state how is it possible that, knowing the situation the indigenous communities are facing, the police cooly go about passing out toys?” asked Yatama leader, Nancy Henriquez. She is referr

ing to the police escort assigned to the Sandinista Youth handing out toys for Christmas.


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