Town Crier: To bester you understanderment of Nica news

The Town Crier is a weekly summary of Nicaraguan news stories that can be found online. My contribution is NOT journalism, as can be discerned from the conversational tone and dry humor of my English paraphrasing of the articles in Spanish. This list is by no means comprehensive. In fact I just picked the most relevant,  funny and ridiculous news stories of the week. For real news in English check out the For entertainment, stay right here. 


Town Crier


Here’s what’s been going on in this crazy town for the last week:


Top Stories of the week:

People truck flips, injures 25

truck flips in murra, nicaraguaA cargo truck carrying about 55 passengers flipped over on a rural road in Nueva Segovia. According to the news the colectivo transport truck suffered some sort of mechanical failure, apparently sending it toward the cliff edge of the road but thanks to the quick reaction and driving skills of the conductor, the truck drove up the steep wall which rolled it over. The worst of the injuries were suffered by three people including a two-year-old girl. They were taken to the hospital in Ocotal. Coincidentally, the same truck was involved in an accident on the same stretch of road exactly one year ago. That accident left two people dead.


Captain of flipped panga accepts the blame

The captain of the tourist panga that flipped while carrying passengers from Little Corn Island to Big Corn Island has accepted his responsibility of negligence. He took the group of 32 tourists out on a day trip from the big island without getting the military permission required for sea trips. According to the military, they weren’t issuing permissions on that day because of the rough seas. On the return trip, three waves up to 9-feet high crashed broadside into the boat, flipping it over, drowning 13 tourists from Costa Rica. One of the bodies has yet to be recovered.


Coupla young entrepreneurs looking for $100k to put garbage cans on Managua buses

overhead trash binsFinalists of an entrepreneurial contest are looking for $100k to take their idea of overhead garbage bins from the drawing board to the buses in Managua. The guys say that with overhead garbage cans on the 835 buses in Managua they could reduce the garbage on the streets by .0001%. And that’s a start!


NGO director booted out of Nicaragua

Carlos Ponce, the director of the Washington DC-based organization Freedom House, was escorted from his arrival gate to a holding area in a hotel before being sent right back home by immigration officials. The official word was that it was for “administrative reasons”. An official statement from the FH says,

“We are appalled by the Nicaraguan government’s decision to deny entry to Carlos Ponce, and its broader strategy of persecuting human rights defenders,” said Mark P. Lagon, president. “Barring the representative of a human rights organization signals the deteriorating protections for civil society in Nicaragua.”

Freedom House article:
La Prensa:


Bottom Stories of the week:

Drunk grandpa takes leak in storm sewer, falls in

cauceAn old drunk guy took quite a spill when he pulled out his junk to pee in a storm sewer and fell in. Luckily the junk that had already collected in the storm sewer broke his 12-foot fall and his drinking buddies called for help.


C$1,000 commemorative Ruben Dario coin to be released

dario moneyA coin commemorating the 100-year anniversary of the death of Nicaragua’s patron saint, Ruben Dario, will be issued in gold and silver. It will have a face value of C$1,000 and you can pick up yours at a Banco Nacional de Nicaragua.


Drunk guy hits motorcyclist, claims moto driver’s injuries are a “show”

A man driving under the influence of alcohol hit another guy on a motorcycle and then really let him have it while the guy was laying on the ground by claiming he was faking his injuries and putting on a show. The motorcyclist was taken to the hospital and the driver of the car was taken to the cleaners.


Gov’t says monkey deaths are caused by people

The Nica Ministry of Environment (MARENA) says the recent spat of howler monkey deaths have been caused by slingshots and bullets, not by lack of water. There have been 18 monkeys found dead since November, none of which were from the zika virus or any other monkey aids thing that people were speculating about.


Buying good stolen from neighboring shops lands merchant in jail

A shopkeeper in the Oriental market is now behind bars for buying from a band of shop thieves who were robbing from neighboring shops. The thieves are still on the loose I suppose.


January nets 124 suspensions for driving motos

Since the beginning of the year Nicaraguan police have suspended 124 licenses of motorcyclists, most of them for driving drunk. Other reasons have been for not having license plates and for not having proper documentation. According to the stats, motorcycles make up 27% of vehicles on the road but are involved in 37% of the accidents. Traffic accidents are the fifth largest cause of death in the country, with fireworks accidents, machete accidents and choking on beans rounding up the top ten.


4.3 quake under San Cristobal volcano

A decent sized earthquake rattled Chinandega. Measuring 4.3 and located just 5km under San Cristobal volcano, the tremor didn’t seem to damage anything. Shortly afterward there was a 4.6 recorded in El Sauce (that’s right, the sauce).


Security guard knocks out “Robocop” with bat

The video link is here.
A drunk guy locally known as Robocop was arguing over C$20 with a security guard in the Oriental market when he got more than he was bargaining for. The guard pulled out an aluminum bat and knocked Robocop the far out.



Dead people found in places

Hair stylist found dead in his room

The coworkers of a hairstylist who didn’t show up for work in Managua were alarmed and then shocked when they went looking for him and found him dead on the floor of his room. They said he had blankets wrapped around his head and a pillow on top, leading them to think he was asphyxiated. Some people who don’t like their haircut don’t leave a tip. Others, well…


Town drunk found dead in the woods

A man known locally as a drunk was found dead in the back woods of Tipitapa. He didn’t show any signs of trauma, except for the fact his liver had been hit pretty hard by the guaro.

3-year-old found dead in his bed

A three-year-old baby was found dead in his crib the morning after his mother put him to sleep (so to speak). The body was purple and showed signs of rat bites on the fingers and hands.


Hardware store owner found dead in his home

A 42-year old owner of a hardware store in the Oriental Market was last seen alive on the 31st of January when he was arguing with a woman. The next week he was found dead in his home and had apparently be dead for a while. People who knew him said he had some mental problems.


Farm worker found dead in a field

A 27-year old farm worker who was an avid drinker was discovered face down and dead in a field in Tipitapa. He had previously been hospitalized for cirrhosis of the liver. That’s a LOT of drinking for only 27.


House cleaner found dead in boss’ pool

A 21-year-old girl from Matagalpa was found face down in the pool of the house she was cleaning in Ticuantepe. The owner of the house lef

t the empleada at the house in the morning and returned to find her dead as a doornail in the afternoon. She had only been working at the house for nine days.


Get this delivered by email every week!

Just sign up to our newsletter below and never miss a week of the Town Crier!

Subscribe to our newsletter. All info, no spam!

Email Address

Type in the following code: captcha