Town Crier: Volcanoes, murder updates and gringa shot. + way more!

The Town Crier is a weekly summary of Nicaraguan news stories that can be found online. My contribution is NOT journalism, as can be discerned from the conversational tone and dry humor of my English paraphrasing of the articles in Spanish. This list is by no means comprehensive. In fact I just picked the most relevant,  funny and ridiculous news stories of the week. For real news in English check out the For entertainment, stay right here. 


Town Crier


Here’s what’s been going on in this crazy town for the last week:

Top Stories

Zapatera Island statues to be returned after 85 years in captivity in the Smithsonian

Two statues known as the Zapatera Princess and the Lizard will be returned to Nicaragua after being on display for 85 years in the Smithsonian museum in Washington DC. The statues were discovered during a feasibility study for (you guessed it) an interoceanic canal and were promptly scooped up and hauled off.


Momotombo isn’t done yet

video link here
Leon’s spectacular volcano Momotombo has had a very active week, popping off several times and spewing shots of white hot lava all over its skirt. Authorities say there is nooothing to be afraid of. hmmm…


American tourist shot in leg during robbery in Managua

So the first lady Rosario Murillo has spent years and millions of dollars to build up Managua’s main tourist attraction, the waterfront. That includes dozens of security guards to make sure all tourists are safe. Well one couple from New York were robbed in the Plaza de Fe by a coupla delinquents and the woman was shot in the leg when the man refused to give up their goods. Needless to say, Rosario Murillo was probably pissed.


Thieves who shot american tourist caught in record time in Managua

So the first lady Rosario Murillo wasn’t about to let a coupla delinquents get away with robbing a foreign tourist in the Managua’s main tourist attraction. The police cordoned off the entire barrio next to the waterfront and found their thieves in less than two hours. Turns out they lived in public housing supplied by the government. The mother of one of the boys who did it said to the police, “If my son committed the crime, he should pay,” and promptly led the cops to where her son was hiding. So now where is the safest place in Managua for tourists? The waterfront.


Bottom Stories

Cop’s kid gets bike stolen

Bike thief.

Bike thief.

The son of a police official had his bicycle stolen in Managua. Cops later found the bad kids who did it.


Nicas still burning trash, this time inside the garbage truck

Garbage picker uppers in the town of Ocotal were in for an unexpected bad surprise when all the sudden their garbage truck caught fire. The driver of the truck said that lit cigar ash started the blaze and, whipped up by high winds, the flames smoked the entire truck in a matter of minutes. Nobody was hurt.


Nicaraguan Festivals and Events: updated version out now

ncx cover mock book v2

The guide to Nicaraguan Festivals and Events has been updated and is now available in PDF or paperback. With more than 200 festivals and events listed, it is the most complete guide to Nicaraguan cultural events out there. And guess who wrote it? Me! So if you like the Town Crier I know you will love this book. Check it out:


The “Black Widow” is pregnant. But with whose baby?

The Nica girlfriend accused of orchestrating the robbery that resulted in the murder of her Canadian boyfriend Rajan Deedar Gill back in November has announced that she is pregnant. But it isn’t clear if it is her late boyfriend Rajan’s fetus or one of the other lovers she maintained at the time. For those who don’t remember, the “black widow” slipped Rajan a couple of sleeping pills so she and her lovers could rob his home in Diriamba. Unfortunately he woke up and one of the guys clobbered him on the head, killing him dead.


Truck flips over after swerving to avoid kid in the street

A truck flipped over in Managua after swerving to miss a kid who had just run out into the street. The kid was okay but the driver was taken to the nearest hospital and the car was left with a nice scratch on the driver’s side.


Bike thief nabbed, eye promptly blackened


A bike thief in Managua was chased down by the bike’s owner and his buddies who practiced their martial arts skills on his face. The owner was a newspaper salesman in an intersection and the bike thief was a nobody who quickly became very repentant when he was caught.…/267903-no-corre-largo-ladron-bicicleta…/


Attempted plane thief gets 9 years

A thief who, with a small group of plane-clothed bandits, attempted to steal an abandoned aircraft from the Managua airport back in 2010 received 9 years in the clink. Their plans were airfoiled and the cops found them toting drugs. Apparently you have to already be pretty high to try and steal a plane from an international airport.…/le-niegan-la-libertad-a-hondureno-…/


Killers of businessman caught, now in jail

Remember the story about the dead body found in the car in the hospital parking lot in Masaya a few months ago? Turns out he was murdered when an extortion scheme that went sour. The dead man owned a mechanic shop in Managua and one of his mechanics introduced him to an electromechanical engineer that had claimed to have invented an electrical generator that didn’t use any kind of gas or diesel. Somehow these two guys convinced the dead guy to invest $48,000 so they could build this magic machine but failed to deliver. The dead guy became increasingly suspicious until one evening the two guys ambushed him in the shop and konked him on the head. He was found the next day dead in his car in the hospital parking lot in Masaya. Well, they caught the two guys who did it and it turns out, much to our readers’ surprise, that the fueless generator was a hoax.


Jail break plan foiled by police in Matagalpa

Those clever Matagalpanian prisoners. This time they took advantage of all the ruckus from a street parade to try and start a riot, take a guard hostage and escape. The riot police were called in on the double and really all they did was a short-lived riot. They are now all repentant and promise to be good boys and girls for the duration of their time.


Hairstylist’s killer caught

Remember reading about the hairstylist who was found dead in his room a few weeks ago? Turns out a guy killed him by smothering him with a pillow. The killer stole his phone and sold it for drug money.


Masaya’s Monimbo exhibiting precolumbian art


Masaya’s indigenous Monimbo neighborhood is displaying artifacts found in the area as well as offering a new self-guided trail that takes visitors past petroglyphs and carvings. And the whole thing is free!


Police re-inaugurate their direct line: 118

The police have proudly re-inaugurated their direct phone line to make it easy for people to call in emergencies. Just dial 118. They even claim that they have reduced the number of prank calls from 80% to 60% (I am not even joking on that one).


Weed-slingin granny and her three little weedies busted

weed  granny and weed grandkids

Grandma Mercedes was busted in her tin shack along with her three pot handlin’ grandkids for selling baggies containing prepared portions of the marijuana plant. That’s right, the same marijuana that bad people ignite to i

nhale the smoke. Who knows where the parents were…probably out slingin pot while granny and the kids gettin busted. Damn.


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